Jory cultivated friends like a rock star collects fans. He was always interested in all sorts of interpersonal relationships and could magically adjust his presentation of himself to others in a way that they felt totally comfortable, personally relating to him as a longtime friend from the beginning. He invisibly and neatly categorized them into groups: kids from school or camp, girlfriends, computer geeks, colleagues, musicians, neighbors, board gamers, and miscellaneous people that he met along his path.Because Jory's interests overlapped into many diverse arenas with totally different friends, it was not uncommon that one set of friends was completely unaware of the others. For example, a college friend for decades went with him one evening to a music club and was shocked when people from the audience requested that Jory take the stage and sing one of his trademark songs. His computer friends had no idea that he was a musician, had won an Oscar, and was a well known sound designer in film and video games with many entertainment industry friends. The board gamers that he organized into clubs in Fairfax and Oslo, were never aware that he was also a computer wizard with loads of geeky friends.
Some of Jory's techie friends
“I love helping people. I help nearly anyone who asks,” commented Jory.
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| Blue playing a healing prayer for Jory |
One evening, Jory attended one of the MAC Users Groups that he began actively attending while in college. This one happened to be in Marin. Another soon-to-be friend also found himself at the same meeting because, like Jory, he liked to drop into Mac user groups wherever he found himself in his travels. The meeting began with the moderator asking if anyone needed help.
“I stood up and said I needed help with upgrading my memory in my new MacBook Pro. This guy in the back waved and said he would help me. I walked back to him and introduced myself. He said his name was Jory Prum. He opened my laptop, pushed the chip in a little firmer and click, all fixed,” explained Blue Fluteman.
Jory’s definition of a friend was open and broad, which allowed others to come to him freely for advise. He loved helping others and never turned anyone down. They were important to him. Using the information and techniques he learned in PAL, the high school Peer Assistance League, and his psychology classes, he always reached out with confidence and help.
“Really?” I questioned. “Are you sure of that? Are you talking about our Jory? How many Jory's do you have in town?
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| Jory and Noah |
“Yes, really!” he responded. “You need to realize that most of us here were raised on communes by hippy parents. We never learned how to organize anything or how to deal with problems.”
I knew that Fairfax was a refuge for hippies leaving Berkeley in the late 1960s, but I had never thought about the impact those flower children had upon their love children. I also flashed back to memories of Jory's messy bedrooms and constant battles with organizing school projects. I wasn't sure that we had ever impacted him with those skills that he obviously had kept hidden from us. It became suddenly clear that Jory's maturity level had finally begun to catch up when he needed to rely on himself to organize or solve problems for others. (By the way, Noah is now living in Germany and designing cars for BMW.)
“You know,” residents of Fairfax confided to us, “Jory is our unofficial mayor and the town psychologist. We all turn to him when we have problems and he always helps us.”
No, I didn't know, but I was soon to find out. As Sam and I walked through the streets of Fairfax last year, strangers came up to us to tell us how Jory helped them through their difficulties. When we entered a restaurant, town folk lined up alongside our table to tell us how Jory saved them from disasters. When we were invited to local events, we were regaled with stories of how Jory inspired them to follow their dreams or get out of bad relationships. With each story, we gained a deeper understanding of the man that Jory had become.
A few of Jory's friends in Fairfax
Studio friends “I am a social animal. I need regular contact with others in order to remain fired up about life. Walking three blocks through my small town can take 45 minutes since I run into so many interesting and friendly people!” Jory wrote.When Jory wasn't physically around to offer counsel, his troubled friends would ask themselves, “What would Jory do?” We heard this phrase over and over again wherever we went. Sometimes it was shortened to “WWJD?” We couldn't believe our ears!Several women confided in us that they had gone to Jory with relationship problems. He gave them the confidence to stand up for themselves. He filled them with courage to leave abusive relationships and helped them see that they were deserving of better treatment while they pursued their life’s dreams. Jory believed passionately that everyone could and should fulfill their dreams and did whatever he could to encourage them with advice and support. His friends were always grateful.“What Jory and I talked about probably helped save my life. He insisted that I never settle or sell myself short,” confided Christine. He told me, “It's never okay to feel unworthy. It's okay to be humble and modest, but never feel unworthy. If you feel unworthy, you need to find people who will be supportive of you.”His friend Monica added, “We talked about everything, but Jory always put me in the center of attention, listened to me and made me proud of my accomplishments. And all this time I was so extremely starstruck over his accomplishments.”Kaela contributed the words of advice that Jory gave her. “The worst that can happen when you ask, is that someone can tell you ‘no,’ but you just might get what you asked for. In fact, people tend to want to say 'yes' if you give them a chance. So don’t be afraid to come right out and ask for what you want in life no matter how far-fetched it may seem at the time. That’s how you turn dreams into reality.”
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| Dawn and Cookie Monster |
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| Dawn's audition audience |
"Sometimes you really need an audience when recording, right Dawn?" Jory grinned.
Dawn played beautifully, the recording was perfect, and she was subsequently admitted to music school.
We heard stories from men who dropped into Jory's studio to share their frustrations or pain when relationships with girlfriends went sour or when they were faced with overwhelming health issues in themselves or others.
Jory and Jack
“Because Jory practically lived in that studio, a lot of key moments in our friendship took place there: it's where I found him when his girlfriend left him, it's where I went when mine dumped me, it's where I told him that I had cancer, and of course it's where I got to listen to him swear at his computers and complain about UPS or public transit - none of which ever worked quite to his satisfaction,” explained Jory's buddy, Jack Irving.
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| Sam |
“When Jory & Julie separated, I had just separated from my partner of 10 years as well.” shared Sam Rogers, another friend of Jory's . “Though I knew Jory before this, it was then that we really grew close. I stayed with him a lot during this time, it was a great support and healing for both of us.”
Jory's friend Mattis Delerud added, “ He helped me feel confident, and he taught me to be humble. He showed me that the great ones are just like the rest of us. We are no different from each other. Jory helped me through hard times as well, combining his extreme professionalism with his genuine care for his friends.”
“I love helping people. I help nearly anyone who asks,” commented Jory.
When Jory met Martin, a young Norwegian who was striving to become a video sound designer, he instantly became his mentor. “He was responsible for my first gig in games. He recommended the team getting a full time sound designer at the same time I came looking. He had given a lecture about sound, and told them very clearly they needed someone dedicated and able to put in the hours of work. He taught me my first steps in game audio and gave me confidence to learn and try what I needed to get to where I am now,” explained Martin. This year Martin took home the Norwegian award for Best Audio in Video Games.
Martin's Award for Best Game Audio He also wrote, “Jory also loved and was loved in return by everyone that knew him over here. The last few years he had become crucial in the Norwegian game scene and been more than central to shaping up initiatives to support the industry grow and helping out everyone. To make our games sound as good as possible, he connected people through his huge network of friends, helped several local teams find perfect voice actors for their characters, designed sounds, edited music, implemented hooks, suggested, held talks and workshops. He was continuously present and immensely valuable to us as a professional in his field as well as a dear friend.”
Martin playing Jory's 12-string Ovation guitar His colleague John wrote to Jory, “You believed in me when few others did not. You listened when few others did not. I am grateful I was able to tell you how much that meant to me.”
That was Jory being Jory!
COMMENTS:
Click on Jorysmother@gmail.com to send comments.
Jory Prum (2009)
Jory Prum (2013)
I tend to be a bit chameleonic, with an ability to fit into most situations. However, I can only ever be myself at any time. While this might seem contradictory, it's not. I have such diverse tastes that I tend to bring forward whatever is appropriate given those around me.
I am trustworthy, open, and fiercely loyal. I am driven by commitment. I enjoy doing things for others, including clients.
Barry Wilson
My whole life people have said, "You remind me of someone." and, I would invariably say, "Yeah, I get that all the time." To my delight, more times then I can recall, someone who knew you would out of the blue come up to me and say, "Hey! You know who you remind me of? Jory Prum!" or "Are you related to Jory? Is Jory your brother?" I would always have to laugh a little knowing for certain that meeting you always leaves a lasting impression on someone. I wish I could have told you how glad it has made me over the years to meet random people in the Bay area that looked at me and saw a faint glint or refection of your charm and warmth. How many great people I have met just because of you. You are probably the only person I know with 3000 friends on Facebook alone who can honestly say you were actually friends with each and every one of them and countless others.
Tamir Nadav
You're the kind of person that inspires others to be better people just by who you were and how you acted each and every day.
Calle Chenevy Shrader
Jory Prum was not only an audio genius but the kindest man I've ever met. Before even getting to know me he was willing to help me in a time of need, always there to listen and offer advice. He was never too busy to talk..even when he was making award winning films/games!
Knut Rothe
He was a man who appeared out of nowhere and stood on our doorstep one day because he had heard about Cloudberry Cream and our ‘Life is just a Dream’- project and wanted to contribute. He was invited in for dinner, and after a couple of minutes it felt like we had known him our whole life. Having worked for Lucas Art, Pixar, several well known computer games and movies, it was like having a whiff of the big world at our dinner table. All packed into this relatively small, kind, humble, and generous figure.
He donated a sound for our song and said he loved our project and told us he was going to mix a surround version of it when we were finished. He meant that would be the only way to really convey the feeling of the song. What a crazy and wonderful idea! What an evening!
Larold Rebhun
Jory was the head of the Mac Users Group which used to meet at the Valencia Mall. We became friends and he used to come over and trade software. I remember first getting on the internet with my 300 Baud modem and how excited we were.
Sometime later, when I started mixing the music for The X Files, which I still do, the composer wanted to get a new mixing console. Through Jory, he donated it (the old one) to Cal Arts... a win-win.
When I saw he was getting a motorcycle, I was very afraid. I lost several friends already but took some comfort in the fact that he was in Sweden, I think, most of the time. I will to this day, I will never get on one. I understand the draw, but no way.
I am so sad about Jory. A really good guy.
Susan Z.
Thanks, Jory Prum, for your love, friendship, advice, caring, kindness, smile and hugs. I'm glad we always told each other how we felt when we saw each other, and always hugged when we said goodbye. It makes me smile imagining you at Hebrew School, and remembering you took time out of your day to share with me... I miss you, and can't believe you're gone.
John B.
Jory taught mostly by example. Jory never wrote the following rules down, as far as I know. But this is my interpretation of how he treated me, and how he treated others.
1. Listen most carefully to the people who criticize you.
2. Share what you have learned.
3. Help everyone
Jory talked to, and listened to, everyone. Didn’t matter if you had hundreds of titles under your belt or whether you just stepped off the bus from Waukeegan with a copy of Reaper on a laptop. If you had something to say, or something to ask, Jory’d treat you just the same as everyone else: you were Worth His Time.
Alex P.
He left a mark on me; a very positive and encouraging role model.
Scott Looney
Jory was all about being a friendly gadfly who was always seeking to push the craft forward and improve things for everyone in the industry.
Mike Dacko
I am so moved by how much Jory impacted this world we live in. My experiences have taught me to live each day to the fullest and continually help those in need.
Jerry V.
His accomplishments make it possible for us to strive for greatness through kindness and love.
Fredrik Sundt Breien
Did you know that Jory was the one to introduce Thomas and myself? It was in San Francisco a few years back. We lived where we do now both of us, 500 meters apart and had no idea until he brought us together. Jory didn't know we were practically neighbours either, he just felt we'd get along, and he was right. I'm really fond of that little story.
Greg Klas
What I liked about Jory was that he made me feel welcome in a situation when I could have been otherwise felt like I didn’t belong. …Clearly it was his gregariousness, enthusiasm, passion and his great attitude that made it possible for so many to have had the opportunity to know and love him.
James Abenroth
Jory used to laugh because when he interviewed for Lucas, I was working for a Catholic school doing tech support. Jory was my go to if I couldn't figure it out. When the nuns found out he was interviewing up north for Lucas they started praying for him to get the job. They loved having him come by when he was in town.
Spyros Tsiounis
In truth, regardless of whether I had work for us to do, or whether I was hungry, I would rush to be with my best friend. To lift my spirits by the most positive spirit I've known. To learn from one of the smartest cookies, the most talented artists, most compassionate, generous souls who managed to build communities, neighborhoods, groups, companies...anywhere in the world you went. I've looked up to you, Jory. Like the big brother I never had. I took countless mental notes on how to be more like you. I wish the whole world were more like you.
Michelle P.
Thanks for sharing. I love that Jory was the Dear Abby of his friends.
Michelle P.
Thanks for sharing. I love that Jory was the Dear Abby of his friends.
Gail H.
I read both stories about Jory. I must say that this young man lived a lifetime so satisfying and had experiences that many never have who have lived till an old age. He was so blessed with “knowing how to be a mensch” from the beginning of his young life without being taught and so were you and Sam blessed to be his parents. I am thoroughly enjoying getting to know Jory.
Geri D.
So glad to know Jory thru your writings. Such a wonderful man that we need and miss today. You should be very very proud of him. Sorry he is not among us. He was so generous and wise beyond his age. It is wonderful that you keep him alive thru your writings and introduce him to people who had not known him before. So glad you had such a wonderful son.
Loretta M.
I just love and admire what you are writing about your son. Just wanted to say that I look forward to reading every word and getting to know this incredible young man.
Elaine A.
I just want you to know that your blogs bring Jory to life. Through your sharing of his life, his character, his kindness, and the kind of mensch he was you are continuing his legacy and his memory. Some people go through life and never understand what it’s all about and Jory understood his purpose in life from a very young age. He certainly was very gifted in many areas but what has impressed me about Jory is that he really cared about others and this comes through in your blogs. In our world today we need more Jorys to bring kindness into this world and build bridges among people. Thank you for sharing his life with all of us.
© Leslye J. Prum 2017 All Rights Reserved
